NOW by M.Y.M.P.

Now is all I know
Now is all I got
And I don’t know
If there will be tomorrow for us.

Now is all I care about
Now that you are here
Now that you’re the contents of my heart.

Now you’re all I know
Now is all I promise
And I don’t know
If there will be a future for us.

Now is all I live for
Now that you are near
And it was best that from the start it was clear.

Refrain:
Loving is not owning
We can let it go
We can let it go.

Loving is not owning
You can let me go
You can let me go.

Chorus:
There’s a reason
Why we love each other now
And we don’t know if this is forever.

There’s a reason
Why we are together now
And we don’t care if it’s not forever now.

Now is all I think about
Now that I am happy
And I’m not sure
If there will be a future for us.

Now is all I offer
It’s everything I got
And I still wish
That there will be a tomorrow for us.

(Repeat Refrain)
(Repeat Chorus)
Ad Lib
(Repeat Refrain)
(Repeat Chorus except last word)
(Repeat Chorus)

Coda:
We love each other now…

☺☻☺☻ NOTE ☺☻☺☻

♥ hinanap ko tlaga ito... jajaja... ang gandah2 nito... jeje... well,,, well,,, well,,, dis song is dedicated to.... well,,, makikita ko na rin siya... sana... makita ko na... jejeje... ♥

Visit http://musicandlyricsph.com for more OPM Music and Lyrics

Letter to Mama...

Ever dearest Mama,

It has been nearly two years now since the day you said goodbye to us, and I’m still growing up with the pains it stabbed in my heart. The pains of losing the most important person in my life are not an easy task to overcome with in the first place. I thought I can move on easily since I still have lots of people who loves me, but I had come to realized that it is still different having YOU on my side. Each day, and every night I spend my life thinking of you. Oftentimes I ended up crying. Tears just kept on flowing from my eyes because deep inside me, I really do missed your presence in my life. The strength I have showed during your wake was admittedly a mask I tried to wear but it is a realization now that I only hurt myself the more because I ended up losing the battle of strong showing. It seems as if I was a baby girl longing for a mother’s touch, and I cried till I get into sleep when I felt your touch no more.

As I recalled what had happened on the 30^th day of November 2006, I have realized that it is not so easy to stand in a situation where time, decisions and love collides for the life of my loved one – you. I showed up a strong willed person in front of many but inside me I was crushing down into pieces. Seeing you in pain without even saying or showing how deep your sufferings at that time were was an absolute bullet upon my chest - Slowly hitting me bulls eye. It tears me apart and leaves me bloodily crying inside. I could not accept the fact that you were leaving for good. I am in denial at the time we were all struggling for your life at the hospital. I was in the midst of holding on or letting you go but in the end, I lose the fight of hanging on to have you instead I set you free knowing in my heart that you are in God’s loving hands. I could not take the sufferings you were experiencing; it hurts more deep inside me seeing you so helpless and we can do nothing at all but to wait for a miracle. I realized then, time is so timeless and been endless during those deepest struggles in my life. Love won’t give you happiness, only a breather to let go the one I love so dearly.

All the memories came rushing back so fast. All the loved you have showed me and our family means a lot to me. As I longed to feel your comfort, I always remembered the very warming motherly embraced you have ever given me one drowning and struggling night of my life, which I thought was the tightest, the longest and very very loving hugged I got from you, Mama. Then you told me that I should be strong no matter what the struggle is; that you were always there to understand me and you told me how you loved me all your life. You told me to hang on with my faith; that I should always PRAY and entrust everything to God because with HIM I won’t go astray and everything will be alright. You know, I could not and would never ever get a sufficing word to describe these enormous feelings nor could even an expensive gift transcend what you have done in my life and to show how much you mean to me.

Let me do this in honor of your memories – all the love and care and all the blessings we shared for so many tough but beautiful meaningful years. This is the only way I know how to share to everyone we know, the thoughts of being loved by an extraordinary mother like you.

Mama, thank you very much for the years you have been there for me, for being a strong woman for our family. I am so grateful and honored to be blessed by having a mother like you. You were the only mother I will endear all throughout my life till the heaven door welcomes me to be united with you.

I love you, Mama!

all my love with hugs & kisses,

_OBEL_

my heart cries...

This is a poem..for..ahhhh.. tooootttt... =D
i love this poem by Kelly Gray..jeje..
'Tis is for the one i love..
Hoping HE will hear my cries
so He'll be with me..
to the rescue.. jejeje.. =D
When i gonna be with you??..

________________________________________

My heart cries, but you don’t hear it.

My heart breaks, but you don’t feel it.

My body longs to feel your arms around me.

My lips long to feel your kisses.

My ears long to hear you say I love you.

My eyes long to see your smile and eyes twinkle.

My life longs to have you in it.

My world longs to have you make it complete.

My body longs to feel you lie next to it.

My love longs to have you return it.

My heart will cry, my heart will break.

My body will go limp, my lips will only speak.

My ears will miss your words, my eyes will shed tears.

My life will be so lonely, my world will be so empty.

My love will go unreturned.

My heart aches as my life is turned inside out.

My mind will never forget, my heart will never let go.

I have loved you since the day I met you

But now my heart cries, and you don’t hear it.

i missed this..

hello there! its been awhile ah since the last time i wrote here. well, i miss mah blog. hehehe...

well, i just visited mah blog tonight lang ulit. now lng rin ulit nagkaroon ng net connection d2 s haus. so how's life nowadays ba? ang hirap ng life noh!? but we all must go on... and smile... ayt?! yah, of course. no matter how hard each struggle, we must stand up and fight for our life...

i got so many kwento na but im not that in the mood now so nex tym nlng ulit ah. hehehe....

well, the very latest i had to tell is... IM WORKING AGAIN!!! Hayyy.... msarap n mahirap... but its quite challenging n boring... hehehe... =D


so i gotta go now na ah. till nex time ulit guys....



i misssed you so much!!! loves you!!! mwuuuahhh muwaahhh...

☼ 1 yr. and 7 mos. ☼

['Tis song is for my mama...

it just so happen that,

i had realized,

i haven't really moved on

when she passed away

a year and seven mos. ago

as of writing this article.

i terriby missed her!

her presence is my guiding light,

she is the one i looked up to.

and it hurts deeply

losing her at the wrong time.

i wasn't prepared

losing a mother.

i thought it will be easy

letting her go.

i thought i could be

like her - a strong woman.

i thought all this pains

will soon pass.

but i proved myself wrong

i haven't recovered yet.

and its so hard!

putting back all the pieces

were so hard even though

i received all the support

no one can ever bring back

the presence of a mother

like my mama.

i dunno how long will

it take me to really

recover from this

graved fated happening

in my life.

its too harsh

to accept

mama is really gone,

i wish this is all

but a bad dream.

dream that tortured me

every night, each day.

will someone tell me

to who will i entrust

my entire life?

who will hear my cry

and sincerely comforted me

with unconditional love?

i missed you so much, mama.

how i wish i could somehow

bring back the time...

i would hold on and

never let go of you...

i wanna hold ya hand

i wanna chase ya face

i wanna kiss ya

i wanna hug ya

i wanna feel ya

ya love... ya hugs...

ya kisses... ya comfort...

but its all gone now

how i wish a man on earth

could really talk to

an eternal man

how i wish a celfone signal

oould really reach

the ceiling of heaven.

wish...wishh...

hope...hope....

its against all odds,

i will face my days

without you here

by my side.

its painstakingly

hurting me...

i missed you, mama!]

L♥§!NG Y♥U

sometimes I cant find the words

to explain exactly how I feel cuz it deep, real deep

and I just hope you can see how deep it is,

by listenin to this song.......

now let me open up my heart and let you read

just what I wrote when you, had took the final steps of death

and left my heart broken in two, but you had to,

damn, I wish that I can have a talk with the eternal man,

I wish that you was here with me right now holding my hand,

I feel I cant go on and don't nobody understand,

it makes me wonder why, and if I have to die

why is this my biggest fear, I can only look above

and just let heaven wipe my tears....

CHORUS

cuz if I'm losin you and if I'm losing you

to who will I confide who will hear my cry

and if I'm losing you then will u see me thru

thru the day thru the nights

oh you've gone will u stay by my side

got on my knees this morning talking to the Lord, my father,

thanks for blessing me when the others didn't bother,

life goes on, got to stay strong, Ida done some wrong,

but Ida done some right too, cried some lonely nights too,

and in my heart nobody knows the pain I tends to hide it,

holdin back my tears I tends to fight it,

but its buildin up inside of me, this heavy load,

help me Lord before I explode, please take my soul......

CHORUS

see I don't know if I can say goodbye to yesterday,

cuz when you leave and go to heaven its so far away,

and I cant even stop to think to wipe my tears away,

but maybe he thought it was best for you to come and stay,

what can I say, just keep your peoples close to you,

so you can cherish every memory they stood thru,

and stood true, so if you meet that cross road,

then you could say, that you opened up your heart,

and just let heaven wipe your tears away......

CHORUS (X2)

and if I close my eyes at night

will I see you in heaven

and if the Lord takes my life

I hope I see you in heaven

just wipe the tears away before today

and when he comes be prepared

for a brighter daytake me away.......

CHORUS

I'm losing you (and i hope you could see

how deep it was by listening to the word of the song)

I'm losing you

when your far away, there's nothin I can say

but hope and pray, for a better day

and if there's a way, for you to stay

stay in my life ohh forever

I'm losing you ,

if I'm losing you

♥h an♥ng sarap...

"hagurin mo

haplusin mo

ganyan nga! sige lang

ituloy mo't para akong

hinehele sa alapaap

ulitin mo lang!

huwag kang titigil

huwag kang hihinto

diyan! ibaba mo

ayan! nakuha mo

oh! anong sarap!

mga mata ko'y napipikit

hay nakaraos din

sakit'y naparam

oh! anong sulit

aking binayad

isang masaheng

walang katulad"

[ito'y naisulat nuon sabado ng umaga pagkatapos ko magpamasahe sa mga bulag. naalala ko ang college days namin na puro ka-grinan... bwaahaahahha...

mam V... guys... i miss u...

i miss our ol' good days back then...]

sana napangiti ko man la'ang kau... jejeje... >",<

..sA IY♥ uMibig §i ak♥..

Dumadaan ang araw

Laging kasama'y ikaw

Walang patid ang text

Walang sawang lambingan

Sa lahat ng oras'y

Ikaw ang naiisip

Mula pagtulog

hanggang paggising

Ang puso'y nananahan

Sa iyo aking pintakasi

Nanlalata itong sarili

Pag ika'y kasama dili

Tuwina'y nananabik

Itong puso kong umiibig

Sa iyong pagdating

At sa yakap na kay tamis

Kung bakit sa iyo pa

Umikot ang mundo

Sagot'y di maapuhap

Ikaw lamang tinitibok

Nitong pusong

Lubhang masaya

Sa piling mong

Aking pinapangarap

Ano man pagdaanan

Laging ika'y nariyan

Tabi ko'y hindi iniwanan

Pinadama tanging pagmamahalan

Wala nang mahihiling pa

Sa bawat sandali ay

Makasama aking sinta

Habang ako'y nabubuhay

Tama o mali man

Ang isang tulad nito

Iniaalay kong taos puso

Kadalisayan ng pag-ibig ko

♥
MAHAL
♥
KITA
♥

☼ ~ n♥ wheRe ♀n §♀ght ~ ☼

I was living
as it should be
only to find out
too oblivious
for I have
loved you
tremendously

I ignored
the feelings
of losing
not only you
but merely
gotten myself
in wilderness

Now I can't bear
the pains
the longing
my mind is
disrupted
often wandering
why on earth

I loved
someone like
I shouldn't be
loving in
anyways I can
I loved without
thinkig thrice

You were my smiles
yet wryly grin
You were my voice
yet silence creep
You were my happiness
yet deeply aching
too much of crying

I found you
yet no where
beside me
I loved you
so distantly
I craved you
for one chance

One chance
of loving
One time
of togetherness
One lasting moment
of eternity
with you

even though
you were
no where
in sight..

‼ in such pain ‼

L♥ving §♥♫e♥Ne L↑kE Y♥u

♥ ♥ ♥

I don't know what really love is

I don't even know how was it

Absolutely, I just know for sure

Is that someone will be there

to love me, so I can love

I have been in love

I thought I was really

But I found out

There's more onto love

Someone never expected

To come in my life

And teaches me

Not what

Not how

But genuinely infinite

Acts of so called love

Never did I thought

To hold onto this

For so long

But it's a blessing

I cannot just give up

Let go upon my grasp

I've learned

Love is

Seeing the unseen

On the eyes of a stranger

Feeling the joy

Beneath those pains

Sharing the memories

Without tomorrow's worries

Living the days together

Like it's eternally forever

How I wish

In my heart

I hope

This is

My

Love Story

To last

A lifetime

♥ ♥ ♥

I love you

With all my ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ PAPA, hAppY FATHER's dAy ♥ ♥ ♥

♫R♫ sponsible family man ♥ ♥ ♥


♫O♫ bviously a cool father ♥ ♥ ♥


♫B♫ est Buddy, Ever ♥ ♥ ♥




E♫ nthusiastic & Energetic ♥ ♥ ♥




♫R♫ eadiness to support and help ♥ ♥ ♥





♫T♫ here's always YOU every step of the way ♥ ♥ ♥





♫PAPA♫ you'll always be the BEST father ♥ ♥ ♥

"What Makes a Father"

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,

He called it ... Father

♥ ♥ ♥ WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PAPA ♥ ♥ ♥

♥ TO ALL THE FATHER'S OUTTA THERE ♥

Happy Happy Father's Day!!!

We thank you for being there on our side

most especially thru thick and thin,

all thru the years . . .

of our happy - sad moments in life.

No one else could ever provide

a strong foundation that

we can always count on . . .

A Father could only give.

Take good care . . .

Alot more years spent

WITH YOU

~ of a blissful health

is our only prayer.

Love you, Father.

§☼me☼nE'§ aLwaY§ §AyInG g☼☼dBYE...

Intro: A-, E/G#, F#m7-, E/G#,
      A-, E/G#, F#m7-, E7sus,

A
 Why do people fall in love and then end up
     F#m7(9)-F#m7-F#m7(9)-E7sus
     cry-----ing
DM7                   F#m7(9)          F#m7
 Why do lovers walk away     from themselves
             C#m7
 When their hearts are breaking
D(9)                        E7sus       E7
 Why does lovin' sometimes never stay long
D(9)                         E7sus            E7
 Why does kissing this time mean  you'll be gone
DM7                 Bm7
 Why does gladness     become sadness
DM7           Bm7        E-E break
 Things that I   don't get.

Chorus
A                  E/G#,      F#m
 Someone's always sayin' goodbye
              F#m7          DM7
 I believe it hurts when we cry
          A/C#           Bm7      E7sus
 Don't we know parting's never so easy
A                  E/G#,     F#m
 And with all the achings inside
                 C#m7          DM7
 I believe some hearts will survive
        A/C#       Bm7             E7sus    (Intro)
 Tryin' hard to pretend that we're gonna be fine.

A
 I could never really love someone
             F#m7(9)-F#m7
    else but you
  F#m7(9)     E7sus      A
 (No      one else  but you)
                     F#m7(9)  F#m7
 I have never wanted anything else
       C#m7
 But a love so true
D(9)                         E7sus         E7
 But just like a dream that comes in the night
D(9)                      E7sus        E7
 In the morning you were out   of my sight
DM7                   Bm7
 Turned away from me,    sadly as I see
DM7          Bm7      E-E break
 Away from where I stand.

Repeat Chorus except last word

    (A)
 ...fine.

Ad lib: A-, E/G#, F#m-F#m7-
               Hoo...
       DM7-A/C#-Bm7-F.F.F break
       Yeah yeah    oh...

Repeat Chorus to fade using: Bb-, F/A, Gm-Gm7-EbM7-
                            Bb/D-Cm7-F7sus-
                            Bb-, F/A, Gm-Dm7-EbM7-
                            Bb/D-Cm7-F7sus-

♪ ∟♥ve Y♥u G♥♥dBye

♪♪♪ s♥metimes, even th♥ugh we l♥ve the pers♥n s♥ much. we tend t♥ say g♥♥dbye. It may l♥♥k like we didn't really l♥ve but ♥nly I kn♥w h♥w my l♥ve grew much deeper that I cann♥t h♥ld back the tears and t♥ore me t♥ br♥ken pieces when that expected end ♥f ♥ur l♥ve has been rendered and c♥me t♥ parting ways. It is the hardest and m♥st painful way ♥f l♥ving, t♥ say g♥♥dbye and pretend that everything will be fine, afterwards. L♥ving y♥u is ♥ne ♥f the m♥st significant and valuable m♥ment ♥f my life that will always have a special part in me, till f♥rever and eternity make us meet again. ♥nly I H♥pe, by that time, ♥ur l♥ve will always be meant t♥ last f♥r a lifetime. ♪♪♪

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, it's never ganna work out
I love you, goodbye

♀♀♀ ∟♥Ve w!∟∟ ∟eAd y♂U baCk ♀♀♀

Saying goodbye
Is never an easy thing
But you never said
That you'd stay forever
So if you must go
Darling I'll set you free
But I know in time
That we'll be together
Ohhh
I wont try to stop you now from leaving
Cuz in my heart I know
Love will lead you back
Someday I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms
Where you belong
Sure
Sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again
It wont be long
One of these days
Our love will lead you back

One of these nights
We'll I'll hear your voice again
Your gonna say
How much u miss me
You'll walk out this door
But someday you'll walk back in
Darling I know I know this will be
Sometimes it takes
To find ur way back
Love will lead back
Someday I just no that
Love will lead u back to my arms where u belong
Sure
Sure as stars are shining
One day u will find me again
It wont be long
One of these days our love will lead you back

But I wont try to stop u now from leaving
Coz in my heart I know
Love will lead u back
Someday I no that
Love will lead u back to my arms
Where u belong
Sure
Sure as starts are shining
One day u will find me again
It wont be long
One of these days our
Love will lead u back

Repeat chorus

"Love is...believing that no matter how far you are from each other, deep inside you, you know that love will never slipped away. The person you love is all you've got to live for. If in time, parting time will come, know the worth of keeping it or love just have to let go? Sometimes, setting free is the best kindest thing we could give to our love. We could only hope that one day, love will still spark and lead us back to where we really belong ~ To the one we love, that we've dreamt of living the rest of our lives."

♫u§↨C & ╚Yr↨C§

TIME of my LIFE

I been waiting for my dreams

to turn into something

I could believe it

And I'm looking for the magic rainbow

on the horizon

I couldn't see it Until I let go,

gave in love,

watch all the bitterness burn

Now I'm coming alive body and soul

Feeling my world starts to turn
And I'll taste every moment

and living out loud

I know this is the time;

this is the time to be

More than a name or face in the crowd

I know this is the time;

this is the time of my life

The time of my life

Holding onto things and vanish them

to the air left me in pieces

But now I'm rising from the ashes

finding my wings

And all that I needed was there all along within my reach

As close as the beat of my heart
And I'll taste every moment and living out loud

I know this is the time; this is the time to be

More than a name or face in the crowd

I know this is the time; this is the time of my life

The time of my life
A mouth on the edge of forever ready to roar

Keeping my feet on the ground

my arms open wide faces the sun
And I'll taste every moment and living out loud

I know this is the time; this is the time to be

More than a name or face in the crowd

I know this is the time;

this is the time of my life

The time of my life
More than a name or face in the crowd

I know this is the time;

this is the time of my life

This is the time of my life

The time of my life!

~ David Cook ~

L0s!ng...

"Losing you is so painful but Is It All Worhtwhile To Keep YOU, Still?"

MAY 24, 2008:

My whole day was quite alright. From the time I woke up, it feels just good. It feels great! I had plans for the whole day. We went to RJ's drum lesson and JM's art lesson in Robinson pala-pala at around 10am. While waiting for the two of them to finish their respective lessons, I dropped to Fotoline for developing of some family pics I will send to Papa. I ate my merienda in Greenwich, then I took the chance to write a letter to Papa. I make kwento to him in the letter. I told him about the papers/forms he'll goin to sign. That's it! then, I dunno but something's bothering me inside but I neglected it. I felt just ok. Then I went back to Euphony music center. I watched Rj playing drums. and I like it! I was so proud of my brother because I've seen him eager to learn. and he was so happy telling me that all his 12 lessons was already done, he'll just going to practice it na lang. He is tired yet he's smiling and happy kasi marami na raw siya natutunan. and I am happy seein' him that way. Then I watched JM doin his art works. He's learning the basics. and I am so happy for him. After they finished, I told the boys that we'll have our lunch at muntinlupa. we just bought a dozen of donut and they ate at the van on the way to Alabang. We went to the hospital for my check up and I had found out that I am having a mild asthma attacks lately. My doctor gave me new medicines, my maintenance med aside from ventolin inhaler,was seretide. the same med that my father's using. (unfortunately, I don't have any budget pa to buy those medicines eh.) After the hospital, we went to drop by at home. andun sila tita paz, tito al, tito jes, kuya anthony (inaayos niya un white na sasakyan - wahhh ang taba at afro buhok...hehe). We ate there our lunch at around 3PM na. I'm so hungry talaga! esp the two boys. They played for awhile. I chitchat with tita paz. nagpahinga lang kami sandali umalis na rin kami pauwi tagaytay. hinatid kami ni tito jes sa high-skul. We rode a jip straight to Festival. Nagpunta muna kmi sa FEDEX pra ipadala ko un mga papeles at gamot ni papa. Luckily, P1200+ lng inabot un so meron pa kami extra budget, bumili kami CD s odyssey kasi sale lang. then instead na kumain sa labas, we just bought food and drinks sa SM kasabay nun pagbili namin pampers ni tisay. It was very tiring! I thought, I wouldn't be able to walk na. I told RJ already to go inside the supermarket and buy something to eat and pamper's of tisay coz I am really in pain. My right leg was aching so bad that moment we're walking towards the supermarket. I still went inside. We already bought our things and we find a van going to Tagaytay. It's a relief to sit down and rest. At last! On the van, I was on second thought whether to pay for Jm or not, but the two boys insisted that they're Ok. I was touched by their concern, and I thank God for giving me those boys with me. Naawa naman ako sa kanila so pinakain ko na sila. I hold the two grocery bag and my blue envelope. but due to sobra sikip na sa likod ko, sabi ko hawakan na ni rj un envelope. He humbly abide to me. and I thank him for bein so good and caring to me. We are riding safely, and I had a relaxing moment. I wasn't worried about the envelope because I've seen it beside RJ. Until when, I got quite angry to the lousy attitude of the two boys, hindi sila masaway na tumigil sa harutan nila. Hindi ko na lang sila pinansin but I'm quiet at the back watching them, kasi nahihiya rin ako sa mga katabi nila na I know they're tired and sleepy tapos ingay nun 2 bata. So I told rj, to stop JM from laughing out loud. Then when we're near Imperial Homes, un 2 babae katabi ko pababa. That's when all of us found out that, the blue envelope was lost. OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do. I will cry! I will get mad! I don't really know. My heart was pounding so fast. at first, I didn't believe it was lost, I had hope it was just there inside the van, pero sad to say hindi namin nakita sa van yun envelope. and that's the time I could go crazy when I realized by myself that all of my important documents were there! I really went numb to craziness. I don't know whether I will step out of the van but I thought it was getting dark. I thought of driving back to each places we stop when we get to tagaytay. and I did! pagkadating ko sa bahay, my angst burst out! I got so angry with the two boys! and I begin to hate myself! sa pagtitiwala ko sa mga bata. I really don't know what to do,I hadn't ate my dinner yet. I am so tired that night. My leg is so much in pain but I know I have to try my luck. I went out with our vehicle. I drive! I ask for help from our konsehal con guard in the village and I am so thankful kasi sobra bait nila sinamahan ako nun isa guard namin. I drove all the way to Laguna Bel Air and back to Tagaytay with nothing I find! It hurts! I am really such in pain! Iam broke! Iam absolutely definitely went to nothingness of my life! I felt so empty! I felt so lonely! I felt so ashamed! I felt so cruel!

I filed a report in our barangay as per advice of our konsehal. then we went home. I went home lugung-lugo. at masamang masama ang loob ko. I ate a little mongo bread I bought from 7/11. and had a bottle of beer and coke. I slept at our sofa with emptiness and aching body & mind & heart. My whole body was aching. hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko! Hinang-hina ako sa nangyari.....................

I slept that night.... with so much pain and anxious. I ask God what did I have done wrong that day??? anong lesson ang dapat ko matutunan??? ano nagawa ko mali???? I felt, HE DIDN'T HEAR me crying for HIS help. He didn't see me in such pain, physically, emotionally and mentally. I was in a nightmare!

May 26, 2008:

I thought of all the things that happened the whole day. And I can't grasp something worthy for me to lose those important documents and ID of my father. (deep sigh)

I reflect. but my mind seem so full of sadness. I was crippled with pangs of life. I had thought, why in so many times na pwede mangyari ito ngayon pa?? I am trying to pick up the pieces of life. I am doing my best to put back my old self back in track of my life once more pero ano itong sakit na binibigay NIYA sa kin???? Hindi pa ako nakakatapos ng problema, ito na naman ulit???? I am barely starting out fixing old problems but hey problems and problems are here once more............ I wasn't accomplishing anything even barely something good in my life but filing up more problems instead. DID HE know that I am losing all myself from this????? I am totally wrecked! so broke and in pain!!!!!! everything that's important to me, I am losing it... I am losing them.... sino pa ba ang kelangan mawala sa buhay ko??? for me to fully be alone??? Iyun ba ang gusto NIYA mangyari sa akin, to fully emptied my life??? HERE I AM NOW, God. so empty and broke and so much in pain..... I am surrendering everything.... Now, I dont' know where to start all over again... I have been starting all over again... Until when I had to do from the start??? I dont know! God only knows. what just hurt so much?? I've lost it without doing something, I felt so dumb fool doing nothing but just hoping and praying. I hate it dahil wala ako magawa eh! wala man lang ako lead kung san ako magsisimula hanapin un! wala! para siyang magic na bigla nawala sa amin. and it hurts so much! kasi wala ako nagawa.... ang tanga-tanga ko! I felt so irresponsible from this... I hate it! I am so much in pain until now I am writing this. Nakakaloka to! I might be gone crazy....................................................

I had surrendered everything and all of my foolishness, I admitted and ask for forgiveness. won't YOU still hear me crying in such pain???

Good Morning, God!

"You are unique! You are created in God's own vision, own desires and likes."

GOOD MORNING, GOD!


That’s the first thing I always whisper when I woke up in the morning. It feels good. It feels just so right to begin the day - To face the unknown events, the unknown and the common people for the whole day through.

My life so far is a routine at home. I’m just home most of the day. Time to time I go out, just when needed. I’d love to be just home. But at times I think about it. Will I be just like this all my life? Of course NOT! I have plans. I have dreams. But the mere fact is, I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN. I’m trying to start a new career but unfortunately was I, I can’t. I can’t find a job. I felt sad at times, but I don’t like the thought of QUITTING. I am a fighter (as many thought so I was). I wanna believe ‘em. I wanna believe that I can fight this struggle and survive it. I wanna believe that I can face anything. This is the only consolation I get right now. With my faith to Our God Almighty, I know in HIS time, I WILL HAVE THE GIFT for my sacrifices. In HIS TIME alone, my plans will get through. My dreams will become a reality. I offer it all to God, especially the good health of my entire family - especially Tisay and Papa, and the healing of my legs.

God answer our prayers, we just have to learn to be patient. And wait... wait... believe it will come true.

With all my sincerest love and humble deeds, I offer thee.

all i want to sing is...

A SONG FOR MAMA


This song is lovingly dedicated to my mother, who I MISSED SO MUCH.
I love this song because the lyrics just meant to tell how I love my mama and
the meanings she imparted in my life while she's still alive, a lifetime treasure.


I love you so much, mama.
Wherever you are now, I know that
you are indeed HAPPY.
I am rest assured you are in God's loving hands, now.

"You are one beautiful woman;
one spectacular child;
one thoughtful sister;
one most-loved mother;
and
a very good and faithful wife"

reAL!ze

if YOU just REALiZE what I real!ze. . . we'd be perfect for each other . . .

aNyth!ng aT All

ANYTHING AT ALL
Colbie Caillat

get2gederNGtropa 2007

"Friends will be forever friends. No matter how distant we are. No matter what time and experiences are molding us to our growth. We will always sit back together, and enjoy each other. It is a very warming pleasure to have group of friends like you. Keep us bonded and a friendship so alive wherever we go, whatever the future holds for all of us."

Thanks for the wonderful memories, guys.

Love u, each and everyone of YOU! :-D

a travel... a thought... a prayer...

I woke up late in the morning around 9 A.M. and hours came so fast. After eating my breakfast, I ran my errands then at 12nn we had our lunch since at exactly 1 P.M. we need to travel going to DLSU-University Medical Center in Dasma for Tisay's check up to her doctor. It has been awhile since the last time she had a check-up. Enormously, I am not that fine while I am driving. I felt that I have my palpitaion. My right foot was a bit uneasy, seemingly chilling with some reasons I don't really know. We stopover at Petron for re-fueling of our vehicle. I told my tita about how I feel, and she said to go back instead of going straight to the hospital if I felt not ok. But I thought of my sister, I have been thinking about her all the time of our travel, I said to myself that we should go to her doctor now so we can avoid any unexpected uprise of her seizures; I have been worried of her recently. Every day and every night, I talked to God, to give her to us for more years to live. I prayed to God to make her strong each day of her life. I prayed and asked for God's graces cause I have been in my nighmares few nights ago, of losing her. I am so worried of her! I am trembling each time I remembered how she suffered of her sickness, and every time I prayed to HIM, I offer my sister. You know, it's not so easy to think, and to ask, one silly question to myself - What shall I do if she get sick or worst she died?

I've been into hell each time my mind was clouded with this thoughts. It seems, I will go and die first everytime I think of her situation, of her health. I am so afraid of what will happen next. I don't know how long she'll live. I don't know until when I will have her with me. I am hurting! Deeply hurt, I don't know how long I will endure this pain; When we arrived at the back entrance of UMC, the time I carried her going down from the vehicle to put her in the wheelchair, she jerked, she trembled and I was so stupid worrying of her. My heart cried out thinking of her. Worrying of her! But thank God, she's fine. I've been absurd this days because of this thinking. I've been trembling, may be because of nervous, of fear, of worry. Oh! Help to relieve myself with this. I am one heck stupid of a sister thinking like this, I know. But could you blame me for feeling like this?? I've seen her sufferings. I've seen her almost giving up her own life. I've seen her fighting for her breath and live... live... live... I've seen how our mother give her life for her... I've seen how she has been love... I've seen... I've been there beside her during her health failures and recoveries. I know the pain. I have felt it. and it kills me with deep hurting. If you only knew, I am willing to give my own life for her to live. I don't want her to suffer more. I don't like her to feel more pains. I want to relieve her. I want to give her the very normal life as possible as I can. I love my sister so much! I don't know how to live my life without her. I have messed up so badly when we lose our mother. And losing her is too much to bear. Not now! Not at this situation wherein I am picking up myself pieces to pieces after mourning for our mother's death. She's been my dreams right now. I wanted much to live because of her, because of our brother, because of our father, because of our family. And if I lose her, I've been thinking of losing myself either. I don't know what life would be without Tisay in my life. She's been my comfort. She's been uplifting my spirit when I am down and tired. She's been my smiles, my happiness when I am all alone and empty. I ran to her everytime I need someone to listen to me, to embrace me, and to kiss me. All of worries and loneliness flew away everytime she hugs and kisses me. She's been my confidante. She's been a good listener to me. Even though she didn't talked me, with her facial expressions, with her murmurs, I know and I can feel her sympathy, her love, her care and her understanding with what I say. I love Tisay more than I love myself. I want to give her needs, and make her happy.

*To all the people who happend to read this, my friends and family;

I HUMBLY ASK FOR YOUR PRAYERS for my sister, Rozelle Lyanne 'Tisay' C. Aruta, for her continous good health and for her improvement/development in terms of her speech and walking. I DO APPRECIATE your PRAYERS for her. Thank you so much in helping us with our prayers for her.

For all of you to know her, here is a pic of her - a very beautiful and happy lady.

She's 21 y.o., since birth she's been suffering from cerebral palsy with seizures until now. She's having her therapy but need to be stop for awhile. We can see a very valuable development towards her speech and walking, I am praying for her more years to live, so when I will be able to work and earned enough money, I can send her to good therapy houses. I believe that she has the will to talk, I can sense that she's trying to produce sounds/words lately, and has a good chances of walking. I hope one day I can hear her say, even the least words like Mama, Papa, Ate, Kuya, Tito and Tita. I'll be very happy. ;-D I pray it will be God's will. Kindly join us with our prayers for her.




Thank you so much..................







...with all my love to u Tisay...

Outing ng tropa 2007 @ Calaca

~ THE CAST ~

~ THE VIDEO ~

My college friends and I usually had a get together especially when it's summer time. Last April 21, 2007, we went to FILIPINA BEACH RESORT in Calaca, Batangas. Actually, that's the 2nd time around. The first time was after our graduation last April 2005 but sorry I don't have any pics of that outing. But it doesn't matter at all, the important thing was, WE ENJOY TREMENDOUSLY the night out together. Right guys? :-D

This trip was a happy one. It's because of MARK C.??!!! hehe... PEACE TAYO, MARK?!! well, he was just drunk that time. So drunk talaga! As in we never expected he'll blurted out something we could never imagine he'll do. (may anak na raw siya at 2 pa!?!) hehehe! A joke it is, still it wakes us our senses that night to listen to him, and laugh. Well just watch the video... You'll see... hehe... (pls mark, no hurt feelings ha. Just enough to bring good ol' days). and You made us laugh talaga. But wait, its just an icing on the cake actually, the enjoyment here was, the time spent together; the food (the hotdogs that made us grin - grinminded! hehe); the jokes; the teasing; the videoke; the stories and the laughters... its all in there! and I can't forget those smiles I've seen on each faces. From the time we've traveled until we arrive at the resort upto the minute of our parting ways. Ohh! Who could say we are all tired after a hard days work at the office?! It's just so timing we have fun together! we've got quite a good sleep after our bonfire. haha (wala raw tulugan oh!?! tulog naman ng tulog ang lahat. hahaha)

For you Guys, A BIG BIG BIG THANks!!!! I am overwhelmed with all the comfort, all the care and all the love you've shown me during those times I've been hurting and until now. You've uplifted me, from my sadness and longings when I loose my mom last Nov. 2006. What can I ask for? You guys just know exactly to love a friend like me. I've got you guys, who are so thoughtful, caring and loving friends. Each day I've been so thankful to God Almighty for giving me the kind of friends I will treasure for all my life.

I love you, Guys!!!


till our next trip... I'm looking forward to be with you guys, each year......... :-D