a travel... a thought... a prayer...

I woke up late in the morning around 9 A.M. and hours came so fast. After eating my breakfast, I ran my errands then at 12nn we had our lunch since at exactly 1 P.M. we need to travel going to DLSU-University Medical Center in Dasma for Tisay's check up to her doctor. It has been awhile since the last time she had a check-up. Enormously, I am not that fine while I am driving. I felt that I have my palpitaion. My right foot was a bit uneasy, seemingly chilling with some reasons I don't really know. We stopover at Petron for re-fueling of our vehicle. I told my tita about how I feel, and she said to go back instead of going straight to the hospital if I felt not ok. But I thought of my sister, I have been thinking about her all the time of our travel, I said to myself that we should go to her doctor now so we can avoid any unexpected uprise of her seizures; I have been worried of her recently. Every day and every night, I talked to God, to give her to us for more years to live. I prayed to God to make her strong each day of her life. I prayed and asked for God's graces cause I have been in my nighmares few nights ago, of losing her. I am so worried of her! I am trembling each time I remembered how she suffered of her sickness, and every time I prayed to HIM, I offer my sister. You know, it's not so easy to think, and to ask, one silly question to myself - What shall I do if she get sick or worst she died?

I've been into hell each time my mind was clouded with this thoughts. It seems, I will go and die first everytime I think of her situation, of her health. I am so afraid of what will happen next. I don't know how long she'll live. I don't know until when I will have her with me. I am hurting! Deeply hurt, I don't know how long I will endure this pain; When we arrived at the back entrance of UMC, the time I carried her going down from the vehicle to put her in the wheelchair, she jerked, she trembled and I was so stupid worrying of her. My heart cried out thinking of her. Worrying of her! But thank God, she's fine. I've been absurd this days because of this thinking. I've been trembling, may be because of nervous, of fear, of worry. Oh! Help to relieve myself with this. I am one heck stupid of a sister thinking like this, I know. But could you blame me for feeling like this?? I've seen her sufferings. I've seen her almost giving up her own life. I've seen her fighting for her breath and live... live... live... I've seen how our mother give her life for her... I've seen how she has been love... I've seen... I've been there beside her during her health failures and recoveries. I know the pain. I have felt it. and it kills me with deep hurting. If you only knew, I am willing to give my own life for her to live. I don't want her to suffer more. I don't like her to feel more pains. I want to relieve her. I want to give her the very normal life as possible as I can. I love my sister so much! I don't know how to live my life without her. I have messed up so badly when we lose our mother. And losing her is too much to bear. Not now! Not at this situation wherein I am picking up myself pieces to pieces after mourning for our mother's death. She's been my dreams right now. I wanted much to live because of her, because of our brother, because of our father, because of our family. And if I lose her, I've been thinking of losing myself either. I don't know what life would be without Tisay in my life. She's been my comfort. She's been uplifting my spirit when I am down and tired. She's been my smiles, my happiness when I am all alone and empty. I ran to her everytime I need someone to listen to me, to embrace me, and to kiss me. All of worries and loneliness flew away everytime she hugs and kisses me. She's been my confidante. She's been a good listener to me. Even though she didn't talked me, with her facial expressions, with her murmurs, I know and I can feel her sympathy, her love, her care and her understanding with what I say. I love Tisay more than I love myself. I want to give her needs, and make her happy.

*To all the people who happend to read this, my friends and family;

I HUMBLY ASK FOR YOUR PRAYERS for my sister, Rozelle Lyanne 'Tisay' C. Aruta, for her continous good health and for her improvement/development in terms of her speech and walking. I DO APPRECIATE your PRAYERS for her. Thank you so much in helping us with our prayers for her.

For all of you to know her, here is a pic of her - a very beautiful and happy lady.

She's 21 y.o., since birth she's been suffering from cerebral palsy with seizures until now. She's having her therapy but need to be stop for awhile. We can see a very valuable development towards her speech and walking, I am praying for her more years to live, so when I will be able to work and earned enough money, I can send her to good therapy houses. I believe that she has the will to talk, I can sense that she's trying to produce sounds/words lately, and has a good chances of walking. I hope one day I can hear her say, even the least words like Mama, Papa, Ate, Kuya, Tito and Tita. I'll be very happy. ;-D I pray it will be God's will. Kindly join us with our prayers for her.




Thank you so much..................







...with all my love to u Tisay...