♫u§↨C & ╚Yr↨C§

TIME of my LIFE

I been waiting for my dreams

to turn into something

I could believe it

And I'm looking for the magic rainbow

on the horizon

I couldn't see it Until I let go,

gave in love,

watch all the bitterness burn

Now I'm coming alive body and soul

Feeling my world starts to turn
And I'll taste every moment

and living out loud

I know this is the time;

this is the time to be

More than a name or face in the crowd

I know this is the time;

this is the time of my life

The time of my life

Holding onto things and vanish them

to the air left me in pieces

But now I'm rising from the ashes

finding my wings

And all that I needed was there all along within my reach

As close as the beat of my heart
And I'll taste every moment and living out loud

I know this is the time; this is the time to be

More than a name or face in the crowd

I know this is the time; this is the time of my life

The time of my life
A mouth on the edge of forever ready to roar

Keeping my feet on the ground

my arms open wide faces the sun
And I'll taste every moment and living out loud

I know this is the time; this is the time to be

More than a name or face in the crowd

I know this is the time;

this is the time of my life

The time of my life
More than a name or face in the crowd

I know this is the time;

this is the time of my life

This is the time of my life

The time of my life!

~ David Cook ~

L0s!ng...

"Losing you is so painful but Is It All Worhtwhile To Keep YOU, Still?"

MAY 24, 2008:

My whole day was quite alright. From the time I woke up, it feels just good. It feels great! I had plans for the whole day. We went to RJ's drum lesson and JM's art lesson in Robinson pala-pala at around 10am. While waiting for the two of them to finish their respective lessons, I dropped to Fotoline for developing of some family pics I will send to Papa. I ate my merienda in Greenwich, then I took the chance to write a letter to Papa. I make kwento to him in the letter. I told him about the papers/forms he'll goin to sign. That's it! then, I dunno but something's bothering me inside but I neglected it. I felt just ok. Then I went back to Euphony music center. I watched Rj playing drums. and I like it! I was so proud of my brother because I've seen him eager to learn. and he was so happy telling me that all his 12 lessons was already done, he'll just going to practice it na lang. He is tired yet he's smiling and happy kasi marami na raw siya natutunan. and I am happy seein' him that way. Then I watched JM doin his art works. He's learning the basics. and I am so happy for him. After they finished, I told the boys that we'll have our lunch at muntinlupa. we just bought a dozen of donut and they ate at the van on the way to Alabang. We went to the hospital for my check up and I had found out that I am having a mild asthma attacks lately. My doctor gave me new medicines, my maintenance med aside from ventolin inhaler,was seretide. the same med that my father's using. (unfortunately, I don't have any budget pa to buy those medicines eh.) After the hospital, we went to drop by at home. andun sila tita paz, tito al, tito jes, kuya anthony (inaayos niya un white na sasakyan - wahhh ang taba at afro buhok...hehe). We ate there our lunch at around 3PM na. I'm so hungry talaga! esp the two boys. They played for awhile. I chitchat with tita paz. nagpahinga lang kami sandali umalis na rin kami pauwi tagaytay. hinatid kami ni tito jes sa high-skul. We rode a jip straight to Festival. Nagpunta muna kmi sa FEDEX pra ipadala ko un mga papeles at gamot ni papa. Luckily, P1200+ lng inabot un so meron pa kami extra budget, bumili kami CD s odyssey kasi sale lang. then instead na kumain sa labas, we just bought food and drinks sa SM kasabay nun pagbili namin pampers ni tisay. It was very tiring! I thought, I wouldn't be able to walk na. I told RJ already to go inside the supermarket and buy something to eat and pamper's of tisay coz I am really in pain. My right leg was aching so bad that moment we're walking towards the supermarket. I still went inside. We already bought our things and we find a van going to Tagaytay. It's a relief to sit down and rest. At last! On the van, I was on second thought whether to pay for Jm or not, but the two boys insisted that they're Ok. I was touched by their concern, and I thank God for giving me those boys with me. Naawa naman ako sa kanila so pinakain ko na sila. I hold the two grocery bag and my blue envelope. but due to sobra sikip na sa likod ko, sabi ko hawakan na ni rj un envelope. He humbly abide to me. and I thank him for bein so good and caring to me. We are riding safely, and I had a relaxing moment. I wasn't worried about the envelope because I've seen it beside RJ. Until when, I got quite angry to the lousy attitude of the two boys, hindi sila masaway na tumigil sa harutan nila. Hindi ko na lang sila pinansin but I'm quiet at the back watching them, kasi nahihiya rin ako sa mga katabi nila na I know they're tired and sleepy tapos ingay nun 2 bata. So I told rj, to stop JM from laughing out loud. Then when we're near Imperial Homes, un 2 babae katabi ko pababa. That's when all of us found out that, the blue envelope was lost. OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do. I will cry! I will get mad! I don't really know. My heart was pounding so fast. at first, I didn't believe it was lost, I had hope it was just there inside the van, pero sad to say hindi namin nakita sa van yun envelope. and that's the time I could go crazy when I realized by myself that all of my important documents were there! I really went numb to craziness. I don't know whether I will step out of the van but I thought it was getting dark. I thought of driving back to each places we stop when we get to tagaytay. and I did! pagkadating ko sa bahay, my angst burst out! I got so angry with the two boys! and I begin to hate myself! sa pagtitiwala ko sa mga bata. I really don't know what to do,I hadn't ate my dinner yet. I am so tired that night. My leg is so much in pain but I know I have to try my luck. I went out with our vehicle. I drive! I ask for help from our konsehal con guard in the village and I am so thankful kasi sobra bait nila sinamahan ako nun isa guard namin. I drove all the way to Laguna Bel Air and back to Tagaytay with nothing I find! It hurts! I am really such in pain! Iam broke! Iam absolutely definitely went to nothingness of my life! I felt so empty! I felt so lonely! I felt so ashamed! I felt so cruel!

I filed a report in our barangay as per advice of our konsehal. then we went home. I went home lugung-lugo. at masamang masama ang loob ko. I ate a little mongo bread I bought from 7/11. and had a bottle of beer and coke. I slept at our sofa with emptiness and aching body & mind & heart. My whole body was aching. hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko! Hinang-hina ako sa nangyari.....................

I slept that night.... with so much pain and anxious. I ask God what did I have done wrong that day??? anong lesson ang dapat ko matutunan??? ano nagawa ko mali???? I felt, HE DIDN'T HEAR me crying for HIS help. He didn't see me in such pain, physically, emotionally and mentally. I was in a nightmare!

May 26, 2008:

I thought of all the things that happened the whole day. And I can't grasp something worthy for me to lose those important documents and ID of my father. (deep sigh)

I reflect. but my mind seem so full of sadness. I was crippled with pangs of life. I had thought, why in so many times na pwede mangyari ito ngayon pa?? I am trying to pick up the pieces of life. I am doing my best to put back my old self back in track of my life once more pero ano itong sakit na binibigay NIYA sa kin???? Hindi pa ako nakakatapos ng problema, ito na naman ulit???? I am barely starting out fixing old problems but hey problems and problems are here once more............ I wasn't accomplishing anything even barely something good in my life but filing up more problems instead. DID HE know that I am losing all myself from this????? I am totally wrecked! so broke and in pain!!!!!! everything that's important to me, I am losing it... I am losing them.... sino pa ba ang kelangan mawala sa buhay ko??? for me to fully be alone??? Iyun ba ang gusto NIYA mangyari sa akin, to fully emptied my life??? HERE I AM NOW, God. so empty and broke and so much in pain..... I am surrendering everything.... Now, I dont' know where to start all over again... I have been starting all over again... Until when I had to do from the start??? I dont know! God only knows. what just hurt so much?? I've lost it without doing something, I felt so dumb fool doing nothing but just hoping and praying. I hate it dahil wala ako magawa eh! wala man lang ako lead kung san ako magsisimula hanapin un! wala! para siyang magic na bigla nawala sa amin. and it hurts so much! kasi wala ako nagawa.... ang tanga-tanga ko! I felt so irresponsible from this... I hate it! I am so much in pain until now I am writing this. Nakakaloka to! I might be gone crazy....................................................

I had surrendered everything and all of my foolishness, I admitted and ask for forgiveness. won't YOU still hear me crying in such pain???

Good Morning, God!

"You are unique! You are created in God's own vision, own desires and likes."

GOOD MORNING, GOD!


That’s the first thing I always whisper when I woke up in the morning. It feels good. It feels just so right to begin the day - To face the unknown events, the unknown and the common people for the whole day through.

My life so far is a routine at home. I’m just home most of the day. Time to time I go out, just when needed. I’d love to be just home. But at times I think about it. Will I be just like this all my life? Of course NOT! I have plans. I have dreams. But the mere fact is, I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN. I’m trying to start a new career but unfortunately was I, I can’t. I can’t find a job. I felt sad at times, but I don’t like the thought of QUITTING. I am a fighter (as many thought so I was). I wanna believe ‘em. I wanna believe that I can fight this struggle and survive it. I wanna believe that I can face anything. This is the only consolation I get right now. With my faith to Our God Almighty, I know in HIS time, I WILL HAVE THE GIFT for my sacrifices. In HIS TIME alone, my plans will get through. My dreams will become a reality. I offer it all to God, especially the good health of my entire family - especially Tisay and Papa, and the healing of my legs.

God answer our prayers, we just have to learn to be patient. And wait... wait... believe it will come true.

With all my sincerest love and humble deeds, I offer thee.

all i want to sing is...

A SONG FOR MAMA


This song is lovingly dedicated to my mother, who I MISSED SO MUCH.
I love this song because the lyrics just meant to tell how I love my mama and
the meanings she imparted in my life while she's still alive, a lifetime treasure.


I love you so much, mama.
Wherever you are now, I know that
you are indeed HAPPY.
I am rest assured you are in God's loving hands, now.

"You are one beautiful woman;
one spectacular child;
one thoughtful sister;
one most-loved mother;
and
a very good and faithful wife"

reAL!ze

if YOU just REALiZE what I real!ze. . . we'd be perfect for each other . . .

aNyth!ng aT All

ANYTHING AT ALL
Colbie Caillat

get2gederNGtropa 2007

"Friends will be forever friends. No matter how distant we are. No matter what time and experiences are molding us to our growth. We will always sit back together, and enjoy each other. It is a very warming pleasure to have group of friends like you. Keep us bonded and a friendship so alive wherever we go, whatever the future holds for all of us."

Thanks for the wonderful memories, guys.

Love u, each and everyone of YOU! :-D

a travel... a thought... a prayer...

I woke up late in the morning around 9 A.M. and hours came so fast. After eating my breakfast, I ran my errands then at 12nn we had our lunch since at exactly 1 P.M. we need to travel going to DLSU-University Medical Center in Dasma for Tisay's check up to her doctor. It has been awhile since the last time she had a check-up. Enormously, I am not that fine while I am driving. I felt that I have my palpitaion. My right foot was a bit uneasy, seemingly chilling with some reasons I don't really know. We stopover at Petron for re-fueling of our vehicle. I told my tita about how I feel, and she said to go back instead of going straight to the hospital if I felt not ok. But I thought of my sister, I have been thinking about her all the time of our travel, I said to myself that we should go to her doctor now so we can avoid any unexpected uprise of her seizures; I have been worried of her recently. Every day and every night, I talked to God, to give her to us for more years to live. I prayed to God to make her strong each day of her life. I prayed and asked for God's graces cause I have been in my nighmares few nights ago, of losing her. I am so worried of her! I am trembling each time I remembered how she suffered of her sickness, and every time I prayed to HIM, I offer my sister. You know, it's not so easy to think, and to ask, one silly question to myself - What shall I do if she get sick or worst she died?

I've been into hell each time my mind was clouded with this thoughts. It seems, I will go and die first everytime I think of her situation, of her health. I am so afraid of what will happen next. I don't know how long she'll live. I don't know until when I will have her with me. I am hurting! Deeply hurt, I don't know how long I will endure this pain; When we arrived at the back entrance of UMC, the time I carried her going down from the vehicle to put her in the wheelchair, she jerked, she trembled and I was so stupid worrying of her. My heart cried out thinking of her. Worrying of her! But thank God, she's fine. I've been absurd this days because of this thinking. I've been trembling, may be because of nervous, of fear, of worry. Oh! Help to relieve myself with this. I am one heck stupid of a sister thinking like this, I know. But could you blame me for feeling like this?? I've seen her sufferings. I've seen her almost giving up her own life. I've seen her fighting for her breath and live... live... live... I've seen how our mother give her life for her... I've seen how she has been love... I've seen... I've been there beside her during her health failures and recoveries. I know the pain. I have felt it. and it kills me with deep hurting. If you only knew, I am willing to give my own life for her to live. I don't want her to suffer more. I don't like her to feel more pains. I want to relieve her. I want to give her the very normal life as possible as I can. I love my sister so much! I don't know how to live my life without her. I have messed up so badly when we lose our mother. And losing her is too much to bear. Not now! Not at this situation wherein I am picking up myself pieces to pieces after mourning for our mother's death. She's been my dreams right now. I wanted much to live because of her, because of our brother, because of our father, because of our family. And if I lose her, I've been thinking of losing myself either. I don't know what life would be without Tisay in my life. She's been my comfort. She's been uplifting my spirit when I am down and tired. She's been my smiles, my happiness when I am all alone and empty. I ran to her everytime I need someone to listen to me, to embrace me, and to kiss me. All of worries and loneliness flew away everytime she hugs and kisses me. She's been my confidante. She's been a good listener to me. Even though she didn't talked me, with her facial expressions, with her murmurs, I know and I can feel her sympathy, her love, her care and her understanding with what I say. I love Tisay more than I love myself. I want to give her needs, and make her happy.

*To all the people who happend to read this, my friends and family;

I HUMBLY ASK FOR YOUR PRAYERS for my sister, Rozelle Lyanne 'Tisay' C. Aruta, for her continous good health and for her improvement/development in terms of her speech and walking. I DO APPRECIATE your PRAYERS for her. Thank you so much in helping us with our prayers for her.

For all of you to know her, here is a pic of her - a very beautiful and happy lady.

She's 21 y.o., since birth she's been suffering from cerebral palsy with seizures until now. She's having her therapy but need to be stop for awhile. We can see a very valuable development towards her speech and walking, I am praying for her more years to live, so when I will be able to work and earned enough money, I can send her to good therapy houses. I believe that she has the will to talk, I can sense that she's trying to produce sounds/words lately, and has a good chances of walking. I hope one day I can hear her say, even the least words like Mama, Papa, Ate, Kuya, Tito and Tita. I'll be very happy. ;-D I pray it will be God's will. Kindly join us with our prayers for her.




Thank you so much..................







...with all my love to u Tisay...

Outing ng tropa 2007 @ Calaca

~ THE CAST ~

~ THE VIDEO ~

My college friends and I usually had a get together especially when it's summer time. Last April 21, 2007, we went to FILIPINA BEACH RESORT in Calaca, Batangas. Actually, that's the 2nd time around. The first time was after our graduation last April 2005 but sorry I don't have any pics of that outing. But it doesn't matter at all, the important thing was, WE ENJOY TREMENDOUSLY the night out together. Right guys? :-D

This trip was a happy one. It's because of MARK C.??!!! hehe... PEACE TAYO, MARK?!! well, he was just drunk that time. So drunk talaga! As in we never expected he'll blurted out something we could never imagine he'll do. (may anak na raw siya at 2 pa!?!) hehehe! A joke it is, still it wakes us our senses that night to listen to him, and laugh. Well just watch the video... You'll see... hehe... (pls mark, no hurt feelings ha. Just enough to bring good ol' days). and You made us laugh talaga. But wait, its just an icing on the cake actually, the enjoyment here was, the time spent together; the food (the hotdogs that made us grin - grinminded! hehe); the jokes; the teasing; the videoke; the stories and the laughters... its all in there! and I can't forget those smiles I've seen on each faces. From the time we've traveled until we arrive at the resort upto the minute of our parting ways. Ohh! Who could say we are all tired after a hard days work at the office?! It's just so timing we have fun together! we've got quite a good sleep after our bonfire. haha (wala raw tulugan oh!?! tulog naman ng tulog ang lahat. hahaha)

For you Guys, A BIG BIG BIG THANks!!!! I am overwhelmed with all the comfort, all the care and all the love you've shown me during those times I've been hurting and until now. You've uplifted me, from my sadness and longings when I loose my mom last Nov. 2006. What can I ask for? You guys just know exactly to love a friend like me. I've got you guys, who are so thoughtful, caring and loving friends. Each day I've been so thankful to God Almighty for giving me the kind of friends I will treasure for all my life.

I love you, Guys!!!


till our next trip... I'm looking forward to be with you guys, each year......... :-D

...a m0ther's t0uch...

I may not see u

I may not hold u

I may not kiss u

I may not hug u

But always know

In my heart

You are always

there...

You will always be

the ONLY MOTHER

I know

Until my dying years

No one can ever replace

A Mom like you

For you've given me

alot more

than I could ever

think of

You've sacrificed

more than you could endure

I wasn't able to give

what you deserve

I came short of time

to give the happiness

a WOMAN, a MOTHER

should have

the ONLY thing

I could give you, now

my undying love

a lifetime respect

a lasting honour

to a MOTHER

we all love so much.

Happy M0THER'S DAY, MAMA!

I love you so much!

I may not see you holding the flowers

I give

I may not see you reading the cards

I sent

But I believe

You are seeing me

enormously

all my love

I sent to you.

I miss you, MAMA!

Words would not suffice

the longingness I have inside

Only YOU and I

knows immensely

the hurting, the missing

Silence knows

I know, We know

How it feels.

Lovesss youuu sooo muchhh!!!

XXXprEzzzz! (",)

"n0th!ng bUt 0nly a w0rd
w0rds bUt 0nly a th0ught
th0ughts 0nly t0 mesmer!ze
a m!nd fUll 0f mem0r!es
mem'r!es clinging 0nt0 my HeArT."

I am h0p!ng that everyday of mah l!fe
I could g!ve U guys, s0meth!ing...
w0rth read!ing... stuffs w0rth treasur!ng.

well, enj0y mah BLOG! C0z surely,

I WILL ENJOY this kind of stuff. ;-D

I've been want!ng t0 make a BLOG

l!ke th!s 0ne.

my MIND won't stop th!nk!ng
my HEART will continue !ts beat!ng
w!th the tech!e ech!e 0ur w0rld has n0w
my HANDS will try to write U
anything... something... and everything...
my LIFE has unf0Ld...
will unf0ld...
!n dA days yEt to be...



jUz let me SHARE...
mah SELF... mah HEART...
mah EXPERIENCES... mah LIFE...



thAnxxxxx aL0t 4 dr0pp!ng by... >>(",)<<